Fireflies

I never knew there were
fireflies in the New York City
Until one night
A flicker of light
On a dark street
In Queens
The shadows from the trees
Masking the tall lamps above

I walked quickly all those years
My eyes on the concrete
My ears on my footfalls
Aware of anyone behind me and
Ahead
Too scared to look left or right
To catch that glimpse of light
From an unassuming
Black fly

I saw them in clusters
Darting in circles
Bright yellow bursting open and fading
I stood still in the street
Tried to take a picture with
My phone
Could not time it well
And got only darkness
A picture unsaved -
Elusive insect biochemically lit
From within
While artificial bulb squares
Serve as backdrop
Brick buildings and curbs,
Nature obscured
By the city.

-GSS 2009

Breaking

If I take all of our communications
Bottle them up and
Try to make them work
I get one message:
You do not deserve me

You do not deserve me because
I am honorable
I can see the shades of gray
I am honest
I am living life two steps ahead of you
I have seen the color and the shadow
I cannot forget your hands on me
Despite your indecision

The purple in the sky looks like bruises
I am reminded of all you said
Those short missives
Those midnight impulses
Your pictures
Your body
Broken up into segments
Broken down into small, easily digestible
Portions

I can look at you whenever I want to
Through the static and pixels but
You don't blink and you don't move
The silence is disconcerting
As it has been
Since the day I left

I want you more than I want many things
Your complicated situation aside
The box was not small enough to contain us
But I should have walked away
You have your decisions to make
Your emotions to swallow
And where does that leave me -
Inside and outside
Up and down
Waiting on your infrequent words

I am mixed up and unaware of
Where you are
Where you have been
What you have said or
Have not said
Where your hands are, your fingers
Where your lips are, your breath
Whether she can hear your heart beat
Or not
I want to hear your low voice
Your laughter
See your eyes shine just for me
I want your fingers in my
I want your tongue on my
I want your face
Your ears
Your hair

This waiting is impossible but
I am resigned to it
A challenge
A growing
Breaking free of past patterns
Help me out of this wondering
Help me see through you
I can see right through you.

-GSS 2009